Surviving Insomnia Chapter 3: Detecting and Deleting Depletion in Your Real Life

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Surviving Insomnia: Detecting and Deleting Depletion in Your Real Life

If you’re living with chronic insomnia, you know the feeling of being depleted — not only tired, but worn out in every direction: mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally, and spiritually. Sometimes sources of depletion are easy to see, even hard to ignore, practically screaming, “Look at me! Look at me!!” Other times sources of depletion in real life are more subtle, even sneaky. They hide in your daily routines, masked as rest or productivity, quietly siphoning away your energy.

This chapter is about bringing those sources of depletion into the light. You’ll learn to recognize what’s draining you — whether it’s a clear trigger or a sneaky habit — and start clearing space for healing. Like hacking through an overgrown jungle path, the work may feel tangled at first. But each small cut makes the way forward smoother.

We’ll use practical tools and reflection to help you map your “personal depletion jungle.” You’ll discover how your nervous system reacts to stress, how certain behaviors mimic rest but worsen fatigue, and how to prioritize the energy leaks you can actually do something about — starting today.

What is Depletion?

Remember from the last chapter that, when you are “depleted,” it means that you have exhausted or used up a significant amount of your physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual, or external resources. In other words, the energy that fuels your body, mind, and heart has run low.

This happens when the demands placed on your energy outpace your ability to renew. Over time, this imbalance leaves you feeling exhausted, fragile, overwhelmed, or disconnected. Depletion isn’t just about being “busy.” It’s about the subtle erosion of resilience, attention, and well-being.

Sometimes depletion is caused by obvious stressors like overwork or toxic relationships. But often, it hides behind habits that masquerade as rest: mindless scrolling, “just one more episode,” or procrastination dressed up as self-care.

To reclaim your energy, you first must see the true sources of your depletion — the ones hiding in plain sight and those lurking in the shadows.

Your Nervous System and Depletion: Understanding Triggers

One way to recognize hidden sources of depletion is to understand triggers — moments when your nervous system reacts as if you’re under threat, even if there’s no actual danger.

• A trigger can be anything — a thought, an interaction, a memory — that causes an outsized emotional or physiological response. These responses are often rooted in earlier experiences of fear, stress, or vulnerability, and can be deeply ingrained in the nervous system.
• From a polyvagal theory perspective, triggers activate your sympathetic nervous system, which manages the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. This system prepares the body for immediate action by increasing heart rate, heightening alertness, tightening muscles, and diverting energy away from processes like digestion or rest. In a true emergency, this reaction is adaptive and protective.
• However, when your system is often activated in non-life-threatening situations — like reading an upsetting email, being late to a meeting, or recalling a painful memory — it can leave your body in a near-constant state of hyperarousal. This chronic activation depletes your energy reserves, impairs your ability to relax, and interferes with deep, restorative sleep.

Recognizing your personal triggers — the moments that leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, reactive, or emotionally shut down — is essential for mapping the hidden contributors to your ongoing depletion.

🧐 Key Point:

Depletion isn’t always about doing too much. Sometimes, it’s about how often your nervous system is pushed into survival mode without enough time to recover.

Finding Sources of Depletion

It’s time to put on your super-secret, ultimate depletion-detecting goggles. In this section, you’ll use three powerful tools to uncover what’s truly draining your energy — even the things hiding in plain sight.

• The Depletion Self-Inventory — A questionnaire to identify the areas of your life (physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual, and external) where depletion is most frequent.
• The Causes of Depletion Menu — A categorized list of common causes of depletion across different life domains.
• The Anti-Refreshment Checklist — A list of sneaky, surface-level habits and activities that may feel refreshing but actually make you more depleted over time.

We’ll use your answers to these tools to begin hacking away at the things that are quietly draining your energy. Remember, insight comes first — action comes next.

Depletion Self-Inventory

Instructions: For each statement, select the response that best describes your experience over the past two weeks. Choose only one answer per item.

Physical Depletion

1. I feel physically drained, sluggish, or low on energy, even after rest.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
2. Daily tasks or physical movement feel harder than usual.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
3. I’ve been sleeping poorly or waking up unrefreshed.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day

Mental Depletion

4. I have difficulty concentrating, focusing, or completing mental tasks.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
5. I often feel mentally foggy, forgetful, or indecisive.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
6. My brain feels “on” all the time, even when I try to relax.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day

Emotional Depletion

7. I feel overwhelmed by my emotions or on edge most of the day.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
8. I notice increased irritability, reactivity, or emotional numbness.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day
9. I don’t have much emotional bandwidth to deal with even small stressors.
   • 0 – Rarely or not at all
   • 1 – Sometimes
   • 2 – Often or nearly every day

Relational (Connection) Depletion

10. I feel lonely, isolated, or disconnected from others.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day
11. I avoid social interactions or feel unseen/unheard in relationships.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day

Spiritual Depletion

12. I feel disconnected from my sense of purpose, values, or meaning.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day
13. I feel empty or adrift — like I’ve lost touch with what matters most.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day

External Resource Depletion

14. I feel like I don’t have enough time, support, or financial resources to meet my needs.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day
15. Life feels like a constant juggling act, with no room to rest or breathe.
    • 0 – Rarely or not at all
    • 1 – Sometimes
    • 2 – Often or nearly every day

Causes of Depletion Menu

Here are some common causes of depletion across the different domains assessed in the Depletion Self-Inventory. As you read through the list, notice how your body responds. Do any of these items cause a physical reaction — like tension in your chest or a sinking feeling in your stomach? That might be your nervous system recognizing a trigger. These subtle cues can help you sense which sources of depletion are especially relevant for you, even if you hadn’t named them before.

Circle all that you believe contribute to depletion in your life. Use the blank lines to add your own. 

Physical Depletion

• Poor sleep or sleep disorders
• Chronic illness or pain
• Nutrient deficiencies or dehydration
• Lack of movement or excessive physical exertion
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

Mental Depletion

• Information overload or constant multitasking
• Excessive screen time
• Decision fatigue
• High-pressure work or academic environments
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

Emotional Depletion

• Chronic stress, anxiety, or grief
• Caregiving responsibilities
• Unprocessed emotions or emotional suppression
• Burnout from unresolved emotional labor
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

Relational (Connection) Depletion

• Loneliness or social isolation
• Conflict or strained relationships
• Feeling invisible or misunderstood
• Lack of support or community
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

Spiritual Depletion

• Loss of meaning, purpose, or direction
• Spiritual disconnection or disillusionment
• Existential questioning or crisis
• Lack of time for reflection or spiritual practice
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

External Resource Depletion

• Financial strain or job insecurity
• Overcommitment and time scarcity
• Lack of access to needed services or support
• Living in environments that are chaotic or unpredictable
• ____________________________________________________
• ____________________________________________________

😷 Reflection Prompt

After completing, ask yourself:

“Which areas felt most true for me — and which surprised me?”
“Where do I feel the greatest depletion?”

Anti-Refreshment Checklist: Depleting Activities in Disguise

Some activities may feel comforting in the moment but contribute to depletion in the long run. Recognizing these “fake refreshers” is critical for protecting your energy. Here are some common culprits. 

Check each one that applies to you:

• Canceling plans to avoid socializing (common after a poor night of sleep): This may feel like protecting your energy, but it can slowly erode your sense of connection and belonging.
• Avoiding exercise (also common if you struggle with insomnia): Skipping movement might feel like rest, but it often contributes to sluggishness, poor sleep, and lowered mood. 
• Watching excessive TV: Zoning out in front of the screen can feel numbing, but too much passive entertainment leads to cognitive fatigue and sleep disruption.
• Scrolling through social media: It can feel like you’re catching up or winding down, but it often increases anxiety, comparison, and overstimulation. Although “mindless,” scrolling can be activating in a subtle way that increases stress and disrupts sleep. If you find yourself unable to stop scrolling, you may be experiencing this. 
• Emotional eating or bingeing: Comfort foods may soothe briefly, but they often leave behind guilt, discomfort, and energy crashes. It takes energy to process food and some foods take more energy than they give. 
• Excessive alcohol consumption: A drink might seem relaxing, but alcohol disrupts sleep, dehydrates the body, and adds to emotional volatility.
• Procrastination: Putting things off feels relieving in the moment, but the looming pressure and guilt build up more stress over time.
• Ignoring or suppressing emotions: Pushing feelings aside might feel like control, but it often creates inner tension and emotional burnout.
• Overexercising without enough recovery: Movement is healthy, but overdoing it breaks down the body and drains energy reserves.
• Perfectionism and overcontrol: Striving to “get it right” can seem noble, but it adds chronic stress and dissatisfaction. Although they do provide short term relief in the moment, perfectionism and overcontrol are ultimately a burden that outweighs the relief they might provide. 
• Excessive caffeine consumption: That energy boost may help you power through, but it can backfire by disrupting sleep, causing jitters, and masking exhaustion.

These behaviors can look like rest or self-care but often leave you more depleted — mentally, emotionally, and physically. There are a couple of themes you might notice on this checklist:

1. These “fake refreshers” are not only depleting, they are also sleep disrupting. While they may feel restful in the moment, they often interfere with the natural processes that support deep, restorative sleep — like winding down the nervous system or creating mental stillness. Deleting these from your life may provide a dual benefit: more energy and better sleep. 
2. Many of the items on this checklist involve some form of avoidance. They can become ways of dodging discomfort — emotional pain, hard decisions, stress, or even boredom. Unfortunately, avoidance doesn’t make the stress go away; it just builds pressure beneath the surface, contributing to long-term exhaustion and increased anxiety. 

🔎 Reflection Prompt:

Which of these “fake refreshers” show up most often in your life?

Hacking Through the Jungle of Depletion

Now that you’ve found your sources of depletion, it’s time to start dealing with them. Picture your life as a path through a dense jungle — tangled with vines, overgrowth, and fallen trees. The sources of depletion you’ve uncovered are like those overgrown obstacles, standing between you and your precious energy.

Some of these obstacles can be cleared quickly, with one confident swing of the machete. Others are more stubborn, requiring repeated effort and deeper work. In this book, we’ll focus on the quick wins — the low-hanging vines that you can begin to clear right away to make space for recovery.

Of course, some deeper roots of depletion may remain. They often need more time, support, and specialized help to work through — and there are excellent books and programs designed for just that. But for now, we’re going to focus on creating relief and momentum by making smart changes to the easier parts of the path.

Mapping and Hacking Your Personal Depletion Jungle

Step 1. Review your scores on the Depletion Self-Inventory.

Identify two areas where depletion is most affecting your life. You can choose the two areas based on how problematic a specific area “feels” or based on the number of points assigned to the items in each area.

Area 1: ____________________________________________________

Area 2: ____________________________________________________

Step 2. Review your answers on the Causes of Depletion Menu.

Focusing on the areas you chose in Step 1; make a list of all the causes you selected. Probably easiest to do this on a separate piece of paper. 

Step 3. Review your answers on the Anti-Refreshment Checklist.

On the list you started in Step 2, add all the items you checked on the Anti-Refreshment Checklist. The is your “Personal Depletion Jungle”

Step 4. Prioritize the list

Now that you can see the jungle, which of the vines and branches should you hack through first? 

1. Go through the list once to rate how much each item drains your energy. Let’s make it easy. You only have two choices. Give each item either a 1 meaning “Drains Me a Little” or 2 meaning “Drains Me a Lot.” 

NOTE: Keep in mind the “shape” of the drain could be different depending on the item. One item may be a small energy drain, but because you do it several times a day, it really adds up to a lot of lost energy. Another item may be a major drain every time you do it and leave you drained for hours or days. 

2. Now go through the list a second time and circle each item you believe would be EASY to stop or change NOW. When I say EASY, I mean without much time or effort. When I say NOW, I mean within the next 1-7 days. Stop means don’t do that thing anymore. Change means doing it less or doing it differently. 

Step 5. Start hacking

Now it’s time to start making some changes. Of the items you have that drain you a lot and are easy to stop or change now, use the tips below to attack them. Once you get through those, continue working through the list to remove or minimize as many sources of depletion as you can. 

Tips for Hacking Away Depleting Habits

Once you’ve found habits or patterns that are draining your energy, the next step is to take action. Here’s how to start clearing those overgrown vines:

1. Use “If–Then” Planning

Create a concrete plan that links a new action to a common trigger. For example: “If I feel the urge to scroll at night, then I’ll read one page of a book instead.” These simple links help override default behaviors.

2. Set Up Your Environment to Help You

If you’re trying to change a habit, adjust your surroundings to make it easier. Remove cues for depleting habits (e.g., move your phone charger out of the bedroom) and add cues for nourishing ones.

3. Stack With Something You Already Do

Want to practice a short breathing exercise or stretch? Stack it onto something that’s already routine: “After I brush my teeth, I’ll do two minutes of breathwork.” This helps you build momentum without overthinking.

4. Expect Resistance

Depleting habits often offer quick relief. Expect some pushback from your brain — and plan a gentle script: “This feels good now, but it costs me later.”

5. Don’t Aim for Perfection — Aim for Consistency

If you slip up, don’t start over — just keep going. The jungle doesn’t regrow overnight, and your efforts will add up. Progress, not perfection, clears the path.

6. Track the Wins

Notice and celebrate any change, no matter how small. Keep a simple list of what you’ve tried and how it felt. You’re rewiring your nervous system and reclaiming your energy — one vine at a time.

Encouragement and Anticipatory Guidance

Facing your patterns of depletion takes real courage. It asks you to slow down, reflect honestly, and gently challenge the habits and assumptions that may no longer be serving you. This isn’t about perfection — it’s about progress.

You may have uncovered areas where your energy is leaking every day. You may feel surprised by how much certain habits or stressors are quietly draining you. That’s not a failure — it’s insight. And insight is the first tool in your machete kit.

Be compassionate with yourself as you move forward. You don’t have to change everything overnight. Focus on what’s manageable. Celebrate every small shift. These are the first clearings in your jungle — and they matter.

The next chapter will guide you in finding and choosing powerful sources of renewal to help replenish what’s been lost.

Quick Summary

• Depletion often comes from subtle, sneaky habits and chronic nervous system activation.
• Activities that seem restful can sometimes deepen fatigue or interfere with sleep.
• Triggers can push your body into survival mode, even when you’re not in danger.
• Mapping your depletion — across body, mind, emotions, relationships, and spirit — gives you clarity.
• “Fake refreshers” are common but reversible once you recognize them.
• Focusing on what drains you and what’s easy to change creates quick momentum.
• The work starts with awareness and small wins — not a complete life overhaul.
• Renewal is coming next — stay with it.