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Chapter: Embracing Renewal
If you’re feeling worn thin — emotionally threadbare, mentally foggy, or just soul-weary — you’re not alone. Insomnia doesn’t just rob you of sleep; it drains your ability to recover, to reset, to feel alive. That’s why healing from chronic sleeplessness isn’t just about getting more hours in bed. It’s about finding ways to truly renew yourself — body, mind, and spirit.
In this chapter, we’ll explore the four powerful forces that drive renewal. Think of them as cornerstones that rebuild what depletion has taken away. The Four Pillars of Renewal – Respite, Refreshment, Rest, and Reconnection — each bring something vital. Each one offers a path back to yourself.
The Heart of Renewal: Kindness Toward Yourself
When I work with folks suffering from insomnia, a common experience is one of being in a “fragile” state of mind and body. Before we dive into the four pillars, there’s one thread that ties them all together: gentleness. Renewal is not something you force. It’s something you invite — with kindness, softness, and compassion toward your own experience.
If you tend to be hard on yourself or even downright unkind, this is the time to give yourself a break. If you are feeling fragile, the most powerful act of renewal may be to treat yourself with the same warmth you’d offer a dear friend.
A gentle and kind approach isn’t just a mindset — it’s a form of renewal itself. Each time you choose compassion over harshness; you’re practicing respite from internal pressure and reconnection with your own worth. This inner kindness becomes the ground from which all other renewal can grow.
So, as you read this chapter, try approaching yourself gently. Let your renewal be imperfect. Let it be messy. Let it be human. That, too, is healing.
The Four Pillars of Renewal
1. Respite: A Break from the Battle
Definition: Relief from something difficult or unpleasant. A delay or pause in a challenging condition. Usually brief, lasting anywhere from the length of a breath to 5 or 10 minutes.
When life feels relentless — deadlines, caretaking, stress — your mind and body never get to shift gears. Respite is a sacred pause, a “time-out” for your nervous system. We all need this, even when we’re sleeping well. When faced with insomnia, we need it even more, and more often.
Remember that, sometimes, what we need a break from is ourselves. A mind that is stuck in negative thinking about yourself or the world can be a relentless burden on your nervous system.
Think of respite recognizing difficulty or discomfort and:
- Taking a break (Examples: from screens, news, a work task, or a hard conversation)
- Giving yourself some grace
- Saying no to one more thing
- Doing something easy or enjoyable for a few minutes.
Practice Tip:
Create a “respite list” — five things you can do when you feel problematically stuck, overwhelmed, or uncomfortable that offer immediate relief. Keep it handy.
2. Refreshment: Filling the Cup
Definition: The act of providing new energy or vigor. Something that revitalizes or invigorates.
Refreshing activities create moments that spark aliveness, which are often small, but deeply nourishing.
While I’m sure feeling revitalized and invigorated sounds great, seeking refreshment is easier said than done when in a state of depletion. Because of this, using refreshment as a source of renewal requires the intention and skill of Taking Delight.
Taking delight means purposefully experiencing the comfort or pleasure available to you as a basic human ability. Experiencing refreshment begins with the intention to allow or receive comfortable and pleasurable experiences into your body and mind. From there It is simply a matter of practicing taking delight to establish and grow the skill.
Refreshing activities might include:
- Laughter
- Deep breathing
- Brief intense exercise
- A hot (or cold) shower
Practice Tip:
Schedule a “refreshment date” once a week — even 30 minutes. Something just for you, that delights or energizes.
3. Rest: Resetting the System
Definition: To cease work or activity for 20 minutes or more. A state of relaxation or repose where the body and mind are relieved from exertion or activity to recover strength. It’s about temporarily stopping and being still (both of which are prerequisites for sleep).
Rest isn’t laziness. It’s biology. When you’re chronically tired, your nervous system stays on high alert — constantly scanning, solving, surviving. True rest helps that system stand down. Obviously, sleep is the ultimate form of rest. But, if you could sleep well, you wouldn’t be reading this book.
Where Respite is about temporary relief — creating a small space between yourself and a source of strain, Rest is always about stopping — a withdrawal of effort and activity so your body and mind can return to baseline. It’s quiet, still, and restorative. Both are vital forms of recovery, but they serve slightly different purposes.
Let’s look at other forms of rest:
- “Oops” naps (See the practice tip below)
- Body scan meditations
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Yoga Nidra
Practice Tip:
Try an “Oops” nap. Set a timer for 20-30 minutes. Lie down in bed with your eyes closed. Take a passive attitude, “If I fall asleep, awesome. If I don’t fall asleep, awesome.” You don’t have to do anything to control your mind or body. Just give yourself permission to be still. (I’ll explain these in more detail in a future chapter).
4. Reconnection: Coming Home to Yourself and Others
Definition: The act of re-establishing a healing bond or sense of belonging with oneself, others, animals (yes, “fur babies” count), nature, or a larger meaning.
Insomnia often creates isolation — from others, and from your own sense of peace. Reconnection is about rebuilding bridges. To yourself. To people. To purpose.
Ways to reconnect:
- Asking for help
- Honest conversations
- Journaling or creative expression
- Prayer, going to church, reading a sacred text
- Volunteering or acts of kindness
- Remembering your “why”
Practice Tip:
Ask yourself: “What can I do today that will help me feel less alone?” Do that thing.
How Do I Know What’s Renewing for me?
In her book Anchored: How to Befriend your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory, Deb Dana explains two tools that offer a practical way to find renewing experiences and make the most of them. These are the ideas of Glimmers and Savoring.
Before diving into these tools, it’s important to remember: what restores one person may deplete another. Renewal isn’t one-size-fits-all — it’s shaped by your biology, personality, and history. This is why two people can experience the same activity in separate ways — one may find a party invigorating, the other exhausting. And what renews you today might not tomorrow.
As you explore the four pillars and learn to use Glimmers and Savoring, keep this in mind: your goal is not to copy someone else’s formula, but to honor your own constellation of needs. Renewal is personal. The more you learn to notice your patterns and trust your needs, the more powerful your renewal can become.
Glimmers: Small Sparks of Renewal
In Polyvagal Theory, glimmers are the tiny moments that bring your nervous system into a state of safety, connection, and calm. They’re the opposite of triggers I talked about in the last chapter — instead of pushing you into fight-or-flight, they gently bring you back to being okay.
Here are some sensations that signal a glimmer:
- A gentle warmth spreading through your chest
- A softening in your shoulders or jaw
- A sense of expansion in your breath
- A lightness or tingling in your hands or face
- A calm, steady rhythm in your heartbeat
- A brief smile or urge to exhale with relief
These sensations are subtle cues from your body that it feels safe, connected, or simply okay — even just for a moment.
These micro-moments cue your body that it’s safe to rest, reconnect, and open to the present. When you notice them, you can also start to collect them — building a personal map of what renewal looks and feels like for you.
How to Use Glimmers for Renewal:
You can use this “Notice, Name, Nurture, Nest” approach, which is inspired by polyvagal-informed therapy. Clinicians sometimes use it to support nervous system regulation through glimmer awareness.
- Notice — Begin tracking small moments that make you feel calm, connected, or alive.
- Name — Write them down. Give them language. The more you name them, the easier they are to find.
- Nurture — Actively seek out more of what sparks that feeling.
- Nest — Build glimmer-rich routines into your day. A few moments of connection can change your whole nervous system state.
Glimmers are the breadcrumbs that lead you to safety, softness, and renewal.
Guided Reflection: Finding Your Glimmers
Take a moment to pause and settle in. If you’re comfortable, close your eyes or soften your gaze. Take a few slow breaths — in through your nose, out through your mouth.
Now ask yourself:
- When was the last time I felt even a moment of peace, joy, or comfort?
- What was happening at that moment? Where was I? Who was there (if anyone)?
- What did I see, hear, smell, or feel?
Let a memory rise gently — no need to force it. Just notice what comes.
Now reflect:
- What about that moment made me feel safe or uplifted?
- Could I recreate even a small part of it today?
Jot down a few glimmers you recall. Over time, this list can grow — becoming a personal well of renewal to return to when you’re depleted.
Practice Tip:
You don’t have to chase joy. You can begin by noticing the gentle glow of what’s already around you.
Savoring Glimmers: Deepening the Renewal Experience
Noticing glimmers is powerful. Savoring them makes them transformative. In Polyvagal Theory, savoring a glimmer means lingering with a moment of safety, beauty, or connection long enough for your nervous system to register it deeply. Instead of brushing past a moment of warmth, you pause and allow it to sink in.
Why does this matter? Because savoring strengthens the pathways of regulation and resilience in your nervous system. Each time you intentionally extend a glimmer; you train your body to recognize safety more easily — which is essential for recovery from insomnia and chronic stress.
How to Savor a Glimmer:
- Pause: When you notice a glimmer, take a breath and let yourself stop for just a moment.
- Anchor the Feeling: Notice where you feel the warmth or ease in your body. Let yourself stay with that feeling for 10–20 seconds.
- Amplify It: Use your senses — describe it in your mind. What do you see, hear, feel? This deepens the nervous system imprint.
- Let it Land: Remind yourself, “This is what safety feels like. This is allowed.” Let it settle in.
Even if you only do this once a day, the effect compounds. Savoring is how a moment becomes a memory your body can return to.
Practice Tip:
Each evening, reflect on one glimmer you experienced that day. Try writing about it or simply reliving it for 30 seconds before bed. This helps shift your system toward restfulness.
Obstacles to Renewal
If renewal is so essential, why is it so hard to actually do? When you’re exhausted or overwhelmed, even restorative activities can feel like just another task. Here are some common obstacles and inner roadblocks that keep people from engaging in renewal — along with a few gentle reframes:
“I don’t have time.”
You may be saying to yourself, “not going to happen in my life,” or, “I don’t have time for that.” When life is packed, taking time for yourself can feel selfish or unrealistic. But small moments matter — even 1 minute of intentional renewal such as a few deep breaths can begin to shift your nervous system.
“I should be doing something productive.”
This is the voice of internalized hustle culture. But productivity without renewal leads to burnout. Renewal is productive when your goal is healing. Renewal gives you energy to return to life with more presence and resilience.
“It won’t make a difference.”
When you’re deeply depleted, it’s hard to believe anything will help. But change doesn’t require giant leaps. Think in drips, not buckets. A tiny light each day adds up.
“I feel guilty taking time for myself.”
Especially for caregivers or high achievers, guilt can block renewal. Try this reframe: when you restore yourself, you show up better for others. Renewal isn’t indulgence — it’s responsibility.
“I don’t even know what helps me feel better.”
That’s okay. This chapter is partly about rediscovery. Use the reflection prompts and glimmer and savoring practices to start building your personal renewal map.
If you find yourself avoiding renewal, try this Quick Reframe Exercise:
- Find the objection you hear most in your own mind.
- Ask: Is this belief helping or hindering my healing?
- Try writing a compassionate counter-message, such as: “I deserve moments of rest, even if they feel small or unfamiliar.”
You don’t need perfect conditions to begin renewing yourself. You just need a little willingness — and understanding that your healing is worth the effort.
Embracing Renewal in Your Life
You don’t need to master all four pillars of renewal at once — and you certainly don’t need to do it perfectly. In fact, mastery and perfection are not even the goal here. I encouraged you to shoot for good enough. The most important thing is to begin. Even the smallest acts of renewal send a powerful signal to your nervous system: “You’re safe. You can soften. You can be okay.”
Start where you are. If glimmers feel accessible, begin there. If savoring feels nourishing, lean into it. Let renewal be something you build with gentle intention, not pressure.
Reflection Questions:
- Which pillar of renewal feels most depleted right now?
- Which one feels most doable to nourish this week?
- What’s one small action you can take today to feel more restored?
- What bodily sensations have you noticed recently that signal a glimmer?
- How might you slow down and savor one of those moments today?
Key Takeaways
- Renewal is not just about sleep — it’s about restoring vitality through a variety of ways, even when sleep fails.
- The four pillars — Respite, Refreshment, Rest, and Reconnection — are each vital but personal. What renews one person might not work for another.
- Glimmers are subtle sensations of safety and connection. Savoring them helps deepen their impact and build nervous system resilience.
- Gentle, consistent renewal — even in tiny moments — can gradually help you heal from chronic stress and insomnia.
- Shoot for good enough. There’s no perfect way to do this. Start anywhere. Stay kind to yourself. Renewal grows from compassion, not pressure.
The Rest of the Book and How to Use It
Glimmers and savoring are universal tools. You can begin using them today to recognize what’s renewing for you and to gently strengthen your nervous system’s capacity for safety, connection, and vitality. These simple, powerful practices are threads you can weave into daily life across all four pillars of renewal.
The rest of the book will be more hands-on. Each upcoming chapter is like a tool in a renewal toolbox. You’ll find bite-sized guidance, practical strategies, and fresh perspectives — each offering a small but powerful way to invite renewal into your life, especially on days when it feels most out of reach.
Here’s a preview of what’s to come:
- A New Day – How to use a morning “wind up” routine to gently energize and prepare your system.
- Taking Delight – Practicing how to find pleasure and nourishment in everyday moments.
- Taking the Plunge – Using cold exposure as a tool for resilience and renewal.
- The Bliss of Boredom – Rediscovering boredom as a surprising source of rest and creative reset.
Each chapter can stand alone, so feel free to read them in any order. Use what resonates, skip what doesn’t, and return to what helps — again and again.
