Listen to an AI generated “Deep Dive” interview about this post.
What Your Nervous System Knows Versus What YOU Know
Remember from part one of this chapter, Polyvagal Theory (PVT) tells us that our nervous system has 3 main modes, one of safety and two for defense, and two “mixed” modes. Each of the main modes is named after a part of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS): Ventral Vagal, Dorsal Vagal, and Sympathetic.
At the end of part one I asked you to complete the Personal Nervous System Stories exercise, to help you become familiar with how each of the three main modes looks and feels for you. If you did not complete that exercise, I strongly encourage you to go back to it as this chapter builds on the understanding and awareness that comes from that exercise.
One of the most powerful insights from PVT is the distinction between perception (awareness) and neuroception. Neuroception is the reason you might feel anxious, upset, or drained in situations where it seems to make no sense for you to feel that way. It’s the reason you might overreact or react negatively to a situation when it seems like “nothing’s wrong.”
- Perception is conscious. It’s how you interpret the world using logic, memory, and deliberate thought. It means being aware of what is happening while it’s happening.
- Neuroception, on the other hand, is unconscious. It’s your body’s built-in surveillance system, constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat without involving your thinking brain.
It is the unconscious knowledge of neuroception that determines the mode of your nervous system from one moment to the next. You may perceive that you’re “fine”—you’re sitting at home or work, doing whatever it is you do, and nothing appears to be wrong. But your neuroception might still be registering something else: the subtle tension in a colleague’s or family member’s tone, the leftover emotional charge from a rushed morning, the glare of fluorescent lights, or even the background noise of traffic or a dog barking outside. These invisible danger signals can trigger a mode of defense even when there’s “no reason” to feel unsafe.
For your nervous system to truly enter a mode of safety, it’s not enough to simply remove threats—it must also receive active cues of safety. Neuroception is constantly weighing these signals of safety and danger, outside your awareness. In each moment, your nervous system will choose the autonomic mode it believes is best for you based on the subtle balance of safety and danger signals it detects.
Important note: You may be thinking something like, “what is wrong with me, why does my body spend so much time feeling like it has to defend itself?” Please know there is nothing wrong with you. The modes of defense are your nervous system’s natural way of reacting to situations where your neuroception is sensing too many cues of danger and not enough cues of safety. Through the practices in this program, you will begin to “retune.”
With this in mind, to get the most from the rest of this program, you’ll need to develop the skill of bringing perception (conscious awareness) to your neuroception (unconscious reactions). Becoming skilled in bringing awareness to the mode of your nervous system —gently noticing what condition you’re in—will help you respond to your body with more compassion and precision.
Now let’s talk about how to do this.
Exercise: Paying Attention to Your Nervous System (Mode Awareness Exercise)
The Personal Nervous System Stories exercise helped you know what the different nervous system modes are like for you. Now it’s time to begin paying attention to your nervous system in real life.
Some people find it easy to name how they feel or describe their body’s sensations. Others… not so much. If you’re someone who struggles to put words to what’s going on inside—whether emotionally or physically—you’re not alone. Many adults have difficulty naming their internal states, especially under chronic stress or after years of disconnection from the body (as often occurs with chronic insomnia). The good news is this is a skill you can learn. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice. If you get stuck or feel unsure, don’t worry—just start with your best guess and stay curious. Search online for “feelings list for adults” and “physical sensations list” for free resources to support you in this process.
Mode Check-In
- Set a reminder to pause and ask yourself, “What’s mode am I in right now?”
- Safe and connected (ventral vagal)?
- Activated and mobilized (sympathetic)?
- Under-activated or shut down (dorsal vagal)?
- A mixed mode?
- Take a “snapshot” of this mode by closing your eyes for 30 seconds and scanning your body, asking yourself, “What’s this mode like for me right now?”
- Where do I feel tension? Numbness? Warmth? Other sensations?
- What’s my breathing like? My posture?
- Do I feel pulled toward connection… or retreat?
- Give this mode a name. Write down just one or two words that capture the tone of your nervous system in this moment.
Do this exercise at least three times per day. If may feel awkward at first. That’s fine. You’re learning. It’s supposed to feel that way when you’re doing something new. There is nothing you need to do with what you find. For now, the goal is awareness not action. Naming your mode, honestly and without judgment, helps build nervous system literacy and opens the door to the four pillars of renewal at the heart of this program.
Summary
Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, this chapter explains the subtle but powerful difference between neuroception (what your body unconsciously senses) and perception (what you consciously notice). The chapter also explains that defense modes are your nervous system’s normal and natural way of reacting when neuroception senses more cues of danger than safety. You are encouraged to complete the “Mode Check-In” exercise several times daily to grow knowledge and awareness of your nervous system and how it shapes your thoughts, feeling, actions and energy throughout the day. This knowledge and awareness set the foundation for everything to come in the Surviving Insomnia program.
